5 Things to Do When Your WiFi Goes Down at General Convention

Person with glasses and a goatee wearing a lanyard and clutching his head in frustration
  1. Turn your device on and off again. And again.
    Will this tried and true IT trick work? Honestly, probably not! Will it keep your hands busy while you wait for connectivity? Yes, and that’s key. It’s very important to look important, and the more buttons you can press, the better.
  2. Grab a snack
    There’s no wifi on the floor. You know what else isn’t allowed on the floor? Cheez-its. Maybe this is a message from the Holy Spirit that it’s time to take a cheeky little snack break. Or is it a message from your stomach? Either way, you’ll look like you’re on your way to something, and walking makes it feel like you’re making progress.
  3. Invest in analog technology
    It’s been hours, but it feels like days since the wifi left. That deputation to your right seems to be connected; why can’t you? Without that sweet sweet wireless internet, your devices may as well be bricks. Have no fear! It’s time to return to time-tested tradition. Reject modernity; embrace the paper airplane. Simply write your legislative correspondence by hand on pieces of sturdy paper, fold them into aerodynamic shapes, and throw them (elegantly) toward anyone who seems to be in authority. Note: practice makes perfect here, and technique refinement may be better suited to hallways and lobbies. That being said, doesn’t fortune favor the bold?*
  4. Pray
    Now is the time to take Presiding Bishop Curry’s sermon advice and engage in centering spiritual practices. No wifi? No problem! The Desert Fathers and Mothers didn’t have wifi either. If you can’t connect to the cloud, get connected to the Cloud of Witnesses. Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus! Kick off your chacos, close your eyes, and clear your mind.
  5. Live tweet
    Those 5 minutes of silence were incredibly refreshing. Now, re-centered, you’re ready to communicate new wisdom borne of careful reflection. If you can’t participate in legislation via wifi, it’s time to break out your personal data plan and get to livetweeting. Your takes are unique, and everyone will benefit from reading them! There is literally no downside to sharing your spiciest takes the moment you think them. Be sure to use hashtag #GC80!

*In this case, fortune does not